You will need positive and practical help.

The first step is to admit that you are ill, however desperately you want to feel normal. Remind yourself that you will get better, but it takes time.

Don't feel guilty or ashamed about the way you feel. PNI is a condition you can recover from, the prognosis is good. You certainly are not alone in suffering, at least 1 in 10 mothers suffer from some form of the illness. You may feel as though you are going mad, but this is only part of the illness, and it will pass.

Remember, you will get better

You will need plenty of encouragement and reassurance and plenty of positive help. Try to float through the bad days, don't be discouraged - tomorrow could be your best day yet!

You will go back to being a caring, capable and confident person. There is light at the end of the tunnel.

Treat yourself kindly. Doing something you enjoy in your own right is all part of the healing process, be kind to yourself, indulge in a new hair do, or treat yourself to some nice flowers or nice food. Attend the local sports centre where there are often crèche facilities available. Taking exercise can really help, even going for a walk.

REMEMBER, do not be too hard on yourself, you can't help being ill; this is very important as mothers experience such needless feelings of guilt about suffering from PNI. It should be treated no differently from any other illness.

Try not to compare yourself with other mothers, we all recover at different rates, but you will get there in the end. Try to let time pass and the healing process will take place.

If partners find it difficult to understand, it may be helpful for them to visit your GP who will explain the problem.

How to help yourself.

The first and most important thing you can do to help yourself is to visit your GP. If you feel uncomfortable about confiding in your doctor, remember that he or she sees many mothers suffering the way you are and they are trained to help you. The best way to help your GP to understand you is to explain your feelings as fully as you can. If you do not feel reassured after the visit then either make another appointment for further advice, or, as a last resort, think about changing your doctors. The GP is a very important person in your recovery as he or she can offer many effective treatments.

Note: If you are offered medication from your GP then there are a couple of points to be aware of. One, is that it can take several weeks for the medication to take effect. Rest assured that anti-depressants are not addictive and have relatively few side effects. The second and most important point is to feel happy with your medication. If you are in any doubt then consult your GP again, you must consult you doctor of you decide to stop taking them or if you wish to cut down.

Rest: Although this is easier said than done, rest is very important in the recovery of PND. Try to enlist the help of family and friends to look after the baby while you lie down. Don't try to catch up on the housework while the baby is sleeping, use that time to nap as well. If you find it difficult to relax, your GP or Health Visitor may be able to refer you to relaxation classes.

Talk: Don't try to hide how you are feeling from people who are close to you. There is no shame in feeling the way you do. Unless people know, they cannot help you.

Diet and Exercise: Eat regular meals and try to include fresh fruit and vegetables every day. Multi vitamins and mineral supplements may help. This is not a time to be thinking of going on a diet, so avoid that at all cost. Exercise can be a great depression lifter, but as with anything, don't overdo it.

Tips for Partners, Family and Friends.

Be Patient: Post-Natal depression is not a disease which can be seen or which can be cured instantly with pills. It takes a lot of time and patience (and indeed, hard work) from all parties to bring the family unit through the crisis points which may occur.

No-One is to blame: When the mother feels unable to cope, she is not doing it on purpose. Therefore try not to let any extra burdens placed on others cause resentment.

Partners or Carers cannot continually work long days, to do so will only make the situation worse with fatigue. Get help. Families and friends tend to pitch in if they are made aware of the situation.

Partners can occasionally get depressed too - our telephone line is open to partners, family and friends who may need support in order to support the mother.

How the partner and close family/friends can help a mother suffering from post natal illness or depression.

Encourage the mother to see her GP or Health Visitor if she has not done so already. Unless she is happy about being alone, try to make sure that a mother with post natal depression does not have to cope by herself. She will find coping much harder on her own and she is potentially at risk. Sometimes a Health Visitor can arrange help in the home.

Let her talk about her feelings and anxieties. No matter how irrational these may seem, they are real enough to her, so don't dismiss them. Don't try to reason with her, mothers suffering from post natal depression may find it difficult to think logically. Don't say things like, "pull yourself together". This is just what she is unable to do, and she is probably feeling guilty about it.

If you have not had depression yourself it can be very hard to understand, and can also be frightening. Try and be as patient and understanding as you can be. Why not talk to others who have suffered, and don't be afraid to mention the word depression. Talking to someone else might help you to understand.

She really needs to know and believe that you love her and that everyone will stand by her whatever. Do not make her feel that her depression is her fault and that only she can make herself better. Try to give gentle and constant encouragement.

Try not to criticise her, pointing out all the jobs she has left undone, this will only make her feel even worse or a failure. Her self confidence may be low so try to boost it and help her self esteem. When she looks nice, tell her so! When she does something good, tell her! We all have good qualities and talents. Try to be positive about the things she is good at.

Practical ways you can help: Make sure that she is eating properly. After childbirth a mother needs to build up reserves of vitamins and minerals. She may have a poor appetite or be unable to get round to eating. You could prepare her food for her so that all she needs to do is eat it. Shopping or cooking can help. Let her have the occasional treat.

Try to encourage her to take time to relax regularly. Relaxation exercises could benefit you both, so why not try doing relaxation exercises together? When she is feeling particularly depressed she may not feel that relaxation exercises will help. It won't be an instant cure, but it will help, perhaps slowly at first, but it is worth trying and it is worth giving it time to work.

Let her spend as much time with the baby as she wants without worrying about other tasks . Try to share/delegate other jobs such as cleaning , washing etc amongst friends and family. During the daytime, make sure she takes time to rest if you do take the baby, rather than trying to catch up with the housework.

Offer to have the baby if the mother is happy about it. Try to take turns with changing and washing the baby and feeding if possible so one of you gets a good nights rest. Encourage her to get out, with or without the baby, or to go out with friends, but don't force her to go out if she does not feel up to it.

Sometimes, something as simple and obvious as a hug can help. We all like to be held and cuddled from time to time, not in a sexual way, but in a protective and caring way. The occasional cuddle will not suddenly make all your troubles go away, but it helps and feels good! Other children can help here too, once they know that "Mummy is feeling poorly" or "Mummy is feeling sad" they will usually help with cuddles as well. It is important that they realise that Mummy is ill and it is not their fault, they need reassuring that they are loved as well.

She will be better one day! It does not happen overnight, it can happen so gradually that you cannot put a date or time to it. The good days appear more, the bad ones less. When she begins to have a few good days in a row she will then probably have the odd bad day. Don't be cross with her. It is part of the gradual process of getting better. Just gently remind her that better days are ahead.

Try to give lots of encouragement and praise. If she achieves something that day, no matter how small it may seem to you, give praise where it is due, but without patronising. Depression tends to make the sufferer ignore the good things that happen to them and dwell on the negative things, so try to be positive.

As difficult as it can be, try not to show anger or frustration at her depression. When your partner is feeling depressed she will pick up on any signs of anger. You will undoubtedly get upset at times - Why not ring our helpline and tell us about yor feelings?

A final note for Mothers: We are a voluntary group and operate quite separately form the health or social services. Anything you say to us is treated confidentially within Mothers for Mothers and we would only reveal any information after discussing it with you and only if we felt somebody was in danger.

Our group was set up by mothers who had suffered from post natral depression and had felt very alone, isolated and believed they were the only ones not coping, and that they were failing as mothers. Our aim is to give mothers someone to talk to who will understand how you feeling. Having suffered themself our volunteers can offer you the reassurance that you will recover, sympathise with how you are feeling and suggest ways of coping to help get you through these difficult times.

Remember you are not alone and you will get better.